qdd055 | Fuck You Apple

qdd055_rev

The new iPhone doesn’t have a headphone jack? How the fuck y’all keep letting this happen?

While writing this piece we grappled with who deserves the brunt of our anger.

Does Steve Jobs deserve our wrath? He dead af and even though I’m positive he’s just as smarmy and turtlenecked in the afterlife. Questionable Decisions isn’t even that petty.

Does Tim Cook deserve it? Probably, but being Gay Steve Jobs is, presumably, a daunting task.

Does the Apple Store deserve it? At first, we thought, yes. The Apple Store always deserves it. The Apple store is pretentious as fuck. Why are their always so many people in there if so many people work here. The only people that should wear scarves at work are the people who work/live on Christmas Tree lots.

Every Apple Store employee I’ve ever met is some evil blend of absolutely useless and delighted with life. Sorry if I don’t share your excitement, I’ve been sitting on this fucking exercise ball for an hour and a half and you’re 19 years old and the worst.

Through our searing hate of the Apple store experience, we figured out who is to blame.

Millenials.

We killed Steve Jobs with our adulation. He worked himself to death trying to figure out a new way to fuck everyone with a USB cord over. By all accounts he was a cunt, still, we essentially canonized him.

Let’s just overlook that he wore the same outfit everyday, if that doesn’t scream sociopath, then the turtleneck should have been definitive proof.

But we ate it up didn’t we?

When did we as a collective decide innovation means getting fucked by a maybe-serial killer in an ill fitting outfit. Sure the generations before ours were cunts and more rapey across the board but they had trendsetters like James Dean, Tupac, Katherine Hepburn and James Baldwin.

Our trendsetters all have celebrity names and tweet too much. I just don’t get Young Thug.

Am I getting old? Or is everything else getting stupid. We may never know, what we do know, is a phone with no headphone jack is stupid.

Did that stop record breaking pre-sale numbers? Of course not. Maybe it’s because it’s waterproof or maybe it’s because we’re all sheep.

We’ve opened Pandora’s Box and we’re not sure we want to be around for what’s next.

Spread the love

Thoughts?

qdd055 | Fuck You Apple

qdd055_rev

The new iPhone doesn’t have a headphone jack? How the fuck y’all keep letting this happen?

While writing this piece we grappled with who deserves the brunt of our anger.

Does Steve Jobs deserve our wrath? He dead af and even though I’m positive he’s just as smarmy and turtlenecked in the afterlife. Questionable Decisions isn’t even that petty.

Does Tim Cook deserve it? Probably, but being Gay Steve Jobs is, presumably, a daunting task.

Does the Apple Store deserve it? At first, we thought, yes. The Apple Store always deserves it. The Apple store is pretentious as fuck. Why are their always so many people in there if so many people work here. The only people that should wear scarves at work are the people who work/live on Christmas Tree lots.

Every Apple Store employee I’ve ever met is some evil blend of absolutely useless and delighted with life. Sorry if I don’t share your excitement, I’ve been sitting on this fucking exercise ball for an hour and a half and you’re 19 years old and the worst.

Through our searing hate of the Apple store experience, we figured out who is to blame.

Millenials.

We killed Steve Jobs with our adulation. He worked himself to death trying to figure out a new way to fuck everyone with a USB cord over. By all accounts he was a cunt, still, we essentially canonized him.

Let’s just overlook that he wore the same outfit everyday, if that doesn’t scream sociopath, then the turtleneck should have been definitive proof.

But we ate it up didn’t we?

When did we as a collective decide innovation means getting fucked by a maybe-serial killer in an ill fitting outfit. Sure the generations before ours were cunts and more rapey across the board but they had trendsetters like James Dean, Tupac, Katherine Hepburn and James Baldwin.

Our trendsetters all have celebrity names and tweet too much. I just don’t get Young Thug.

Am I getting old? Or is everything else getting stupid. We may never know, what we do know, is a phone with no headphone jack is stupid.

Did that stop record breaking pre-sale numbers? Of course not. Maybe it’s because it’s waterproof or maybe it’s because we’re all sheep.

We’ve opened Pandora’s Box and we’re not sure we want to be around for what’s next.

Spread the love

qdd055 | Fuck You Apple